What if I told you your greatest leadership threat isn’t your team… It’s your triggers?
🎙️ Let’s talk about what no leadership book warned you about…
You’re in the middle of a high-stakes meeting. A colleague questions your decision in front of everyone. Your heart races. Your jaw clenches. Your response? Sharp. Instant. Defensive.
And later, you're left wondering:
“Why did I react like that?”
Here’s the uncomfortable truth:
Every leader—yes, even the best ones—has emotional triggers. And until you learn how to spot them, name them, and manage them… they’ll run your leadership from behind the scenes. Silently. Powerfully.
🎧 Welcome to Leadership Lessons with Dr. Fredrick D. Lee II—the podcast where we grow from the inside out.
This week’s episode: “Check Your Triggers – Leadership, Self-Regulation, and Emotional Agility.”
Because leadership isn't about being emotionless—it’s about being emotionally agile.
And emotional agility isn’t just a buzzword. It’s your blueprint for:
• Diffusing tension without shrinking.
• Responding instead of reacting.
• Protecting your peace and your power.
💡 If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation thinking:
“That bothered me more than it should have…”
or
“Next time, I want to handle that better”—
This episode is for you.
🎯 We’re getting real about emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and how to lead without letting your inner landmines explode at the worst moment.
So if you're ready to stop letting your triggers hijack your leadership, hit Follow. Tap Subscribe.
New episodes drop weekly, and trust me—you don’t want to miss this one.
🔗 Listen now on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.
💡 [Introduction of the Topic]
Have you ever blamed someone else for “pushing your buttons”… only to realize later, it wasn’t them—it was something in you?
Let’s be honest: most of us have said it.
“She triggered me.”
“They knew exactly how to get under my skin.”
But here’s the hard truth: your triggers are yours to manage, not other people’s responsibility to avoid.
In today’s episode of Leadership Lessons with Dr. Fredrick D. Lee II, we’re diving deep into the messy, misunderstood world of emotional triggers—those hidden emotional tripwires that can hijack our professionalism, sabotage our influence, and leave us cleaning up a mess we didn’t see coming.
We’re going to explore:
• 🔍 What triggers really are—and what they absolutely are not. Spoiler alert: Being triggered doesn’t mean someone else did something wrong. It means that something inside you has been activated that needs attention.
• 🧠 How emotional intelligence gives you the real-time tools to respond with intention instead of reaction. This isn’t about being robotic or suppressing your emotions—it’s about using them wisely.
• 💥 Why mastering your reactions can completely transform your relationships, team dynamics, and your peace of mind. Because let’s face it: an unchecked trigger can burn bridges you never meant to set on fire.
Here’s the game-changer:
You are not responsible for the way people speak to you, but you are responsible for how you respond.
And when you put that power in your own hands? You become unshakable—not because you don’t feel, but because you know what to do with what you feel.
So no, this isn’t about stuffing your emotions into a box and taping it shut.
It’s about naming what’s happening, understanding where it comes from, and leading yourself before you try to lead others.
✨ Because when you stop letting your triggers run the show, you start leading from a place of clarity, not reactivity.
Let’s tie it all together. Let’s grow.
🧠 [Detailed Discussion]
What is a trigger?
At its core, a trigger is any stimulus—an action, a comment, a tone of voice, even a facial expression—that sets off a disproportionate emotional response. But here's the kicker: the intensity of the reaction usually has nothing to do with the current moment and everything to do with past emotional experiences your brain still carries like a suitcase you didn’t pack.
Maybe someone interrupts you during a meeting.
On the surface, it’s just a comment.
But under the surface?
Your nervous system may interpret that moment as a reminder of being silenced or dismissed as a child.
Or maybe a colleague's tone echoes the same sarcastic sting of a parent who never believed in you.
It’s not the moment that’s dangerous—it’s the meaning your brain assigns to it.
📚 According to the American Psychological Association, triggers activate the amygdala, part of your limbic system—your brain’s emotional command center. When this happens, your brain sends signals that bypass your prefrontal cortex, the area responsible for logic, judgment, and reflection.
In short? You react before you even know what’s happening.
🔬 Neuroscience research from Harvard Medical School shows that once triggered, your body releases stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, priming you to fight, flee, or freeze—not to lead.
Now imagine you're a leader in a high-stakes moment, and that emotional system takes over.
You're no longer responding to the room.
You're reacting to a memory in your mind.
That’s where emotional intelligence comes in.
💡 Self-awareness helps you recognize what’s going on.
Instead of saying, “They made me mad,” you can say, “That hit a nerve—why?”
🛑 Impulse control is your inner pause button.
It’s the moment between stimulus and response—and in that space lies your power.
🌀 Emotional agility, a term coined by Harvard psychologist Dr. Susan David, is your ability to navigate your inner world with clarity and flexibility.
It’s what helps you respond according to your values, not your ego.
It allows you to move from:
• Reaction ➡️ Response
• Ego ➡️ Empathy
• Instinct ➡️ Intention
And let’s be clear—this isn’t about becoming perfect or unbothered.
It’s about recognizing that your first reaction doesn’t have to be your final answer.
📉 A study by TalentSmart—which tested emotional intelligence alongside 33 other workplace skills—found that 90% of top performers were high in emotional intelligence. Meanwhile, those who struggled with EQ had higher rates of turnover, burnout, and poor team cohesion.
🔁 So if you've ever said something in a meeting and wished you could take it back the moment the words left your mouth?
That wasn’t just a “bad moment.”
That was a trigger reaction.
But here’s the reframe:
Triggers are not character flaws—they’re feedback mechanisms.
They show you where your healing still lives.
They shine a light on the stories you’ve been carrying silently.
And the best leaders? They don’t suppress that feedback. They study it.
They ask:
• “Why did that hit me so hard?”
• “What is this reaction trying to teach me?”
• “How can I use this moment to lead more intentionally next time?”
🧭 Because every trigger gives you two options:
1. React blindly and repeat the pattern, or
2. Pause, get curious, and change the outcome.
The choice is yours.
And real leadership?
It starts the moment you stop outsourcing your emotional responses and start owning your internal landscape.
🎙️ Stay tuned—because up next, we’re going to explore how to map your triggers so they stop catching you off guard.
🔧 [Change Moves – Practical Tools for Listeners]
If you want to lead with emotional agility, you don’t need perfection—you need practice.
These 5 Change Moves are science-backed strategies that help you recognize, regulate, and reframe your emotional responses so you can lead from intention, not impulse.
🔹 1. Track the Trigger
Start a “Reaction Log.” After any emotionally intense situation, ask yourself:
• What happened?
• How did I feel (emotionally and physically)?
• What did I say or do?
• What happened next?
This kind of reflection builds emotional self-awareness—the foundation of emotional intelligence. By logging these moments, patterns begin to emerge. You’ll start seeing which situations consistently provoke you and uncover root causes you didn’t realize were influencing your leadership.
📚 Research Insight:
According to psychologist Daniel Goleman, self-awareness is the cornerstone of emotional intelligence, and consistent reflection is the most effective way to develop it. Journaling improves emotional clarity and regulation (Pennebaker & Smyth, 2016).
🎯 Skills Activated: Self-Awareness + Reality Testing
🔹 2. Breathe Before You Speak
When you feel triggered, your sympathetic nervous system (fight-or-flight) hijacks your thinking brain. But you can interrupt the hijack with your breath.
Try this: Take 3 deep, controlled breaths. Inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4, exhale for 6. This activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which calms your body and re-engages your prefrontal cortex—your brain’s logic and decision-making center.
📚 Research Insight:
Breathwork has been shown to decrease cortisol (stress hormone) levels and improve emotional regulation (Ma et al., 2017; Harvard Health Publishing). Even brief breath-based interventions increase impulse control and stress tolerance.
🎯 Skills Activated: Impulse Control + Stress Tolerance
🔹 3. Choose Your Story
Before reacting, pause and ask yourself:
• “What story am I telling myself right now?”
• “Is this story true, or just familiar?”
Often, we mistake past emotional experiences for current truths. That’s how triggers work—they whisper familiar lies in your ear. Reality testing helps you separate what’s happening from what your mind is assuming.
📚 Research Insight:
According to Dr. Susan David, author of Emotional Agility, separating yourself from your thoughts can reduce reactivity and increase leadership effectiveness. Naming your narrative allows space to choose your next move.
🎯 Skills Activated: Reality Testing + Emotional Self-Awareness
🔹 4. Respond, Don’t Rescue
If someone else’s emotions make you feel like you need to fix, smooth over, or take over, pause.
You are not responsible for managing other people’s feelings—but you are responsible for how you show up.
Leaders who chronically “rescue” often silence others, create dependency, and burn out. Instead, practice empathetic presence: listen, acknowledge, and support without absorbing.
📚 Research Insight:
Empathy combined with assertiveness leads to better team boundaries, trust, and psychological safety (Goleman, Boyatzis, & McKee, 2013). Over-functioning emotionally can lead to role strain and blurred accountability.
🎯 Skills Activated: Empathy + Assertiveness
🔹 5. Practice Recovery, Not Perfection
Even with the best tools, you will still get triggered. You’re human. The key isn’t avoiding every emotional slip—it’s learning how to recover with integrity.
• Apologize when necessary.
• Reflect on what triggered you.
• Recalibrate for next time.
Teams don’t need perfect leaders. They need accountable ones. Modeling repair actually builds trust more than never messing up at all.
📚 Research Insight:
Psychologist Kristin Neff’s work on self-compassion shows that leaders who allow themselves to recover without shame are more resilient and maintain higher levels of well-being and effectiveness.
🎯 Skills Activated: Self-Regard + Flexibility🎙️ Final Thought:

These five Change Moves aren’t just tips—they’re transformational habits. Practiced consistently, they increase your emotional agility, lower reactivity, and make you a more grounded, trustworthy, and human leader.
So remember:
👉 Your triggers are not your fault—but they are your responsibility.
And when you own them, you unlock a kind of power that no title or credential can give you.
🎙️ Let me say this clearly:
Triggers are NOT signs of failure.
They’re not a flaw in your leadership DNA.
They’re not proof that you’re “too emotional,” “not professional enough,” or “not ready” to lead.
The presence of triggers means you’re human and emotionally alive.
And being able to recognize them? That’s not weakness—that’s awareness.
Triggers are signs of where your power lives.
That’s right. Triggers point to unhealed wounds, unchallenged beliefs, or outdated survival strategies that were once necessary but no longer serve you. And where there is awareness, there is the opportunity for transformation.
📍When a specific comment gets under your skin,
📍When someone’s tone rattles you,
📍When you find yourself going from calm to furious in under 60 seconds…
That’s your nervous system flashing a signal: “Something here needs attention.”
You can either suppress it and stay stuck…
Alternatively, you can lean in, decode the message, and elevate your leadership.
Every time you notice, pause, and choose differently… you’re rewiring your leadership.
This isn’t a one-time fix—it’s neuroplasticity in action.
🧠 Your brain literally creates new pathways every time you pause before reacting, choose curiosity over defensiveness, or step back instead of snapping back.
You are teaching your brain:
➡️ “We don’t need to be on edge anymore.”
➡️ “We don’t need to fight this battle the old way.”
And that? That’s resilience.
📚 According to neuroscientist Dr. Rick Hanson, regularly practicing mindfulness and emotional awareness strengthens the brain’s prefrontal cortex and weakens the grip of the amygdala—the center of fear and reactivity. In short: you become calmer, clearer, and more effective over time.
And the ripple effect?
It doesn’t stop with you.
✅ You lead with more empathy—because now you understand what it’s like to sit with discomfort without dumping it on others.
✅ You lead with more intention—because you’ve learned to pause, reflect, and choose your next move instead of defaulting to the old playbook.
✅ You lead with more authenticity, because you no longer pretend to be unaffected or flawless. You own your emotions and model that it’s okay to be real.
People follow leaders who are real, not robotic.
Nobody is inspired by perfection. They’re inspired by presence.
They don’t need a boss who never gets triggered—they need a leader who knows how to come back to center, even when shaken.
Let’s be honest:
A robotic leader who never shows vulnerability may seem polished, but they often feel distant, unpredictable, or even unsafe.
On the other hand, a grounded leader who can say,
🗣️ “Hey, that moment caught me off guard—give me a second,”
is modeling psychological safety and emotional maturity.
But being real doesn’t mean being reckless.
This is important.
Realness without regulation becomes recklessness.
You don’t get to say, “Well, I’m just keeping it real” as an excuse to unload, lash out, or ignore the impact of your behavior.
Being real means being responsible.
✅ It means honoring your feelings without harming others.
✅ It means showing up honestly while still being accountable.
✅ It means being responsive, not reactive.
Responsiveness is a choice.
It’s the decision to take a beat, check in with yourself, and lead from clarity, not chaos.
🎯 So the next time you feel that emotional surge rising in your chest—
Stop. Breathe. Check in. Ask yourself:
“What’s the most honest and aligned response I can offer in this moment?”
That’s not softness. That’s a strength.
That’s not hesitancy. That’s emotional leadership.
And the more you practice it, the more you’ll see that the moments you used to dread…
Become the moments that define your growth.
Let your triggers teach you.
Let your responses elevate you.
And let your leadership be honest, responsible, and resilient.
🎤 [Closing – at least 90 sec]
🎧 So here’s your Coaching Prompt of the Week:
What’s one trigger you’re ready to meet with curiosity instead of criticism?
Think about it—what’s that one moment, person, tone, or situation that consistently lights a fire in you?
Not the kind that inspires you… The kind that ignites frustration, defensiveness, or withdrawal.
🛑 Now pause.
Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me?” or “Why can’t I just let it go?”
Ask:
“What is this trying to show me about myself?”
“What wound is this poking?”
“How can I meet this moment with curiosity, not self-judgment?”
✨ That’s where growth begins.
📥 Drop your reflections in the comments. Yes—I read every single one.
Your insight might be the breakthrough someone else needs to see.
👤 If you're navigating high-stakes environments… managing teams, making critical decisions, or just trying to stay grounded in the storm—don’t do it alone.
Whether you're a new leader finding your footing, a seasoned executive navigating burnout, or somewhere in between, I offer coaching, consulting, and executive training designed to help you:
✅ Lead with emotional intelligence
✅ Cultivate psychological safety
✅ Respond under pressure with grace, not grit-your-teeth survival
I’ll help you build the tools to not only manage people, but manage yourself through the challenges leadership throws your way.
📧 Email me directly: info@mrchangeyourlife.com
📱 Follow me on Instagram & Facebook: @DrFredrickDwaneLeeII
💬 Like, subscribe, and drop a comment. Share your story. Start the dialogue. Leadership doesn’t grow in silence—it grows in reflection and community.
🗣️ And do me a favor—share this episode with a leader who’s committed to the inner work. The ones who show up not just to be seen, but to transform. We’re all in this together.
🗓️ Coming up next time on Leadership Lessons…
Episode 9: “Silencing the Inner Critic – Rewriting the Leadership Narrative in Your Head”
We’re diving into the voice that whispers, “You’re not enough,” and replacing it with one that says, “You’ve got this.”
You’ll learn how to:
• Dismantle imposter syndrome
• Quiet perfectionism
• And shift from self-sabotage to self-support
Because the most powerful leadership voice you’ll ever develop… is the one inside your head.
🎙️ Until next time, remember:
Change is constant. But your growth? That’s intentional.
I’m Dr. Fredrick D. Lee II, and this has been your Leadership Lesson.