🎙️ Episode 5: Full Script
🎧 [INTRO – 0:00–3:00]
🎙️ Let’s talk about the paper cuts that bleed like wounds.
Have you ever had someone look shocked and say,
“Wow, you’re so articulate,”
Like they weren’t expecting brilliance to come out of your mouth?
Or maybe you’ve been hit with:
“So… where are you really from?”
As if your presence in that boardroom, hospital, or leadership space came with an expiration date.
💡 Spoiler alert:
That’s not curiosity. That’s a microaggression—and it stings.
You see, these aren’t just awkward moments.
They’re small slashes that hit your identity, your safety, and your leadership credibility.
And when they happen over and over again? That’s death by a thousand cuts.
Welcome to Leadership Lessons, the podcast where we grow from the inside out.
I’m Dr. Fredrick D. Lee II, and today’s episode is a necessary one:
📛 Microaggressions and Leadership: Naming the Cuts You’re Taught to Ignore
In Episode 4, we talked about toxic workplaces.
But today, we’re getting even more real.
Microaggressions are the quiet killers of confidence, culture, and career growth, and too many leaders are taught to endure them in silence.
Let’s stop whispering. Let’s name it.

🔍 [PART 1 – 3:00–10:00] What Are Microaggressions?
Let’s call it what it is: death by a thousand paper cuts—with a smile.
The term microaggression was coined by Harvard psychiatrist Dr. Chester Pierce in 1970. He defined them as “subtle, stunning, often automatic verbal and nonverbal exchanges which are put-downs delivered to people of marginalized groups.”
Let me break that down in real talk:
It’s the stuff people say and do that chips away at your humanity, all while insisting they didn’t mean anything by it.
Microaggressions are insidious and sneaky.
They rarely raise their voice, but they always leave a mark.
They hide behind phrases like:
• “You’re not like the others.” (Translation: I have a stereotype—and you’re the exception I’ll tolerate.)
• “Can I touch your hair?” (Translation: You’re different; I want access to your body like a museum exhibit.)
• “You speak such good English!” (Translation: I didn’t expect someone who looks like you to sound ‘professional.’)
These aren’t compliments. They’re slaps in the face dressed as curiosity.
They seem small, harmless even. But they’re not.
Because here’s the truth: It’s not about the moment—it’s about the message.
“You don’t fully belong here.”
“Your presence is an anomaly.”
“I get to define what’s normal—and you’re not it.”
📊 And the data backs it up:
A 2023 McKinsey & Co. report found that over 60% of Black and Brown professionals regularly experience racial microaggressions at work.
Even more telling, 45% said those experiences made them question staying in their job.
Think about that: Nearly half are considering leaving, not because of a lack of talent, but because of the emotional labor of just existing.
That’s not interpersonal.
That’s institutional.
That’s not minor.
That’s structural harm dressed up in corporate casual.
🎯 EQ Insight:
Emotional Self-Awareness helps you recognize what you’re feeling in real time, so you can stop gaslighting yourself into silence.
Reality Testing gives you the power to say, “No, I’m not imagining this. That was inappropriate. That was real.”
Because the real harm isn’t just the comment—it’s the pressure to smile through it, explain it, or excuse it… again.
⚔️ [PART 2 – 10:00–17:00] Death by a Thousand Cuts
Microaggressions are often dismissed because they seem minor.
A raised eyebrow here.
A “joke” there.
A well-meaning but condescending comment wrapped in a professional tone.
But that’s what makes them so dangerous.
It’s not just one cut—it’s 999 before it.
It’s when someone says, “You’re aggressive,” when you’re just direct.
It’s being “talked over” and then asked to take notes.
It’s having your suggestion ignored… until it comes out of someone else’s mouth.
It’s laughing off the joke… again.
Ignoring the comment… again.
Biting your tongue so hard it bleeds… again.
And the worst part? You’ve been conditioned to endure it with a smile.
Because somewhere along the way, many of us—especially Black professionals—were taught to assimilate to survive.
We were told:
• “Don’t rock the boat.”
• “Just work twice as hard.”
• “Keep your head down.”
• “Don’t make them uncomfortable.”
That’s not professional advice. That’s a survival strategy.
And while it may have helped some of us stay in the room, it came at the cost of being fully seen in the room.
It’s called Black fatigue—a term coined by Mary-Frances Winters.
It’s the cumulative emotional, physical, and psychological exhaustion that comes from being hypervisible and undervalued simultaneously.
It’s the burnout of constantly managing other people’s discomfort while suppressing your own truth.
And when senior leaders shrug off emotional intelligence conversations, it worsens.
They say:
“This is work, not therapy.”
“We don’t have time for feelings.”
“I didn’t need that stuff to succeed—why should you?”
But here’s the thing: Emotional intelligence is not fluff.
It’s not a “soft skill.”
It’s the difference between workplaces that thrive and ones that hemorrhage talent.
🧠 Leaders without emotional intelligence don’t just miss red flags—they create them.
They perpetuate cultures where microaggressions go unchecked because they mistake silence for harmony.
They confuse assimilation with professionalism.
They reward endurance over authenticity.
But we know better now.
We know the emotional cost.
We feel it in our bodies. We carry it in our nervous systems. We take it home, and sometimes—into our sleep.
🎙️ That cost has a name: Racial Battle Fatigue.
Coined by Dr. William A. Smith, it refers to the psychological toll of constantly navigating hostile or invalidating environments as a person of color.
It shows up as:
• Chronic anxiety
• Disrupted sleep
• Emotional numbing
• Self-doubt
• High blood pressure
• Depression
• And yes, the deep urge to leave a job that never really saw you in the first place
And we’re not talking hypotheticals here.
📊 According to the American Psychological Association, employees who experience microaggressions report significantly higher stress levels and emotional exhaustion. These environments directly impact retention, performance, and well-being.

🎯 EQ Insight:
This is where emotional intelligence becomes your anchor, not just for responding to others but also for protecting yourself.
Impulse Control keeps you from reacting in ways that cost you your peace or position.
Stress Tolerance helps you survive environments that weren’t built for your thriving, while you make something better for yourself.
Emotional Self-Awareness reminds you: This isn’t about you being too sensitive. This concerns them being too conditioned to notice the harm they’re causing.
Let me be clear:
You weren’t “too emotional.”
You were under-validated.
You were over-surveilled.
And you were never meant to carry the weight of everyone else’s ignorance.
But now—now, we name it.
We don’t minimize it.
We move through it with strategy, support, and self-respect.
🛠️ [PART 3 – 17:00–25:00] Change Moves to Reclaim Power
When you’re tired of being cut and told to smile, these tools help you stay grounded, reclaim your power, and lead with clarity.

🔹 1. Name the Moment
What it means:
You don’t always have to call it out publicly, but you do have to name it to yourself. Otherwise, you risk gaslighting yourself into silence.
Please write it down. Say it to a trusted colleague. Tell your therapist. Name it so your nervous system knows—you didn’t imagine that.
How to do it:
• Keep a “Microaggression Log” in your notes app or journal.
• Use language like: “I just reacted to that comment… it didn’t feel respectful.”
• Reflect: “What made that moment feel off?” and “What did it take from me?”
Why it matters:
Naming it affirms your reality. It protects your emotional clarity in environments that blur it on purpose.
🎯 EQ Skill: Reality Testing
Helps you assess the moment accurately, especially when your experiences are minimized or invalidated.

🔹 2. Interrupt with Curiosity
What it means:
You don’t have to fight—you can ask questions that shift the discomfort back where it belongs.
Use phrases like:
• “Can you explain what you meant by that?”
• “Why do you ask that?”
• “Help me understand—how did you expect me to respond?”
How to do it:
• Say it calmly and clearly, without sarcasm.
• Make it their job to explain the bias baked into the comment.
• Let the silence linger if they stumble—it’s powerful.
Why it matters:
You are not obligated to absorb every offensive moment in silence. This tactic allows you to reclaim control without escalating.
🎯 EQ Skill: Assertiveness
Allows you to express yourself confidently and clearly, without aggression or apology.

🔹 3. Build Your Anchor Team
What it means:
You need people who get it. People who won’t tell you to “brush it off.” People who see the full you and help you stay rooted when microaggressions make you question your value.
How to do it:
• Identify a few trusted colleagues, mentors, or affinity group members.
• Use group chats, coaching sessions, or safe meetups as decompression zones.
• Don’t just vent, validate, and strategize.
Why it matters:
Community is emotional armor. You shouldn’t have to process racism or bias alone.
🎯 EQ Skill: Interpersonal Relationships
Strengthens your ability to connect, receive support, and build resilience through trusted connection.

🔹 4. Choose Strategic Silence
What it means:
You don’t owe everyone a reaction. Sometimes, silence is power. Sometimes, it’s protection. You can choose when to disengage for your peace.
How to do it:
• Ask yourself: Will this cost me energy I can’t afford to give now?
• Rehearse a non-response: “Noted,” “Interesting,” or a simple head nod and pivot.
• Use silence as a reset, not retreat.
Why it matters:
There’s nothing weak about conserving your energy. Silence can be a conscious act of emotional sovereignty.
🎯 EQ Skill: Impulse Control
Allows you to pause, regulate, and choose when (and if) a response is worth your energy.

🔹 5. Document Patterns
What it means:
When something happens once, it’s annoying. When it happens repeatedly—it’s a pattern. Documentation turns gaslighting into data.
How to do it:
• Use a private journal, Google doc, or email draft folder.
• Please include dates, times, what was said/done, and how it made you feel.
• Optional: Include witnesses, screenshots, or email receipts.
Why it matters:
This is your record if you ever need to escalate or protect yourself legally or professionally.
It’s not petty. It’s prepared.
🎯 EQ Skill: Self-Regard
Affirms that your experiences matter—and that protecting your peace is a leadership act.

You don’t have to carry microaggressions in your body anymore.
You can name them. Interrupt them. Buffer them. Document them.
And most importantly, you can stop believing they’re your fault.
These Change Moves don’t just help you cope.
They help you lead.
🧠 [PART 4 – 25:00–29:00] Healing in Leadership
Let’s be honest—leading while navigating microaggressions is its own full-time job.
It’s showing up to do your actual job, while also:
• decoding biased comments,
• monitoring your tone so you’re not labeled “aggressive,”
• filtering your expressions so you’re not seen as “too emotional,”
• and smiling through slights that would never be said to your white peers.
It’s performance on top of performance.
It’s armor on top of expertise.
And it’s exhausting.
But hear me clearly:
You are not the problem.
You are not “too sensitive.”
You’re not “reading into things.”
You’re not “making it about race.”
It was already about race the moment they decided you were the exception—not the expectation.
What you deserve—what we all deserve—are workplaces where you don’t have to translate your trauma into professionalism.
Where you don’t have to decode every sentence like you’re in emotional Morse code.
Where you don’t have to armor up just to be seen as competent.

And here’s where I want to challenge a myth—especially for my leaders listening:
There’s still a belief in many boardrooms, especially from old-school leadership models, that emotions have no place at work.
You’ve heard it:
“This is business—not personal.”
“You can’t take things so seriously.”
“We’re not here to coddle feelings.”
But let me say this loud and clear:
Ignoring emotion is not strength. It’s neglect.
And dismissing empathy doesn’t make you effective—it makes you dangerous.
Because the number one reason employees leave isn’t salary—it’s how they’re treated.
It’s feeling unseen, unheard, and undervalued.
📊 According to Gallup, teams with high emotional intelligence in leadership have 63% lower turnover and 22% higher profitability.
That’s not “soft skills.” That’s solid strategy.
So no—acknowledging emotion at work does not make you weak.
Being empathetic doesn’t make you soft.
It makes you sustainable.
It means you're building spaces where people don’t have to shrink to stay.
Where belonging is not a branding campaign—it’s a lived experience.
Where leadership is not about control—it’s about connection.

🎯 And this is where emotional intelligence becomes your superpower:
EQ isn’t just about managing emotions—it’s about protecting your peace while staying in purpose.
It's your permission to pause.
To breathe.
To check in with yourself before the job checks you out.
And let me leave you with this:
👉🏾 You are not too sensitive.
You are too smart to ignore the patterns.
Too aware to stay silent.
Too valuable to keep shrinking for comfort.
You are not here to perform safety for others.
You’re here to create it for yourself—and for those coming behind you.
That’s leadership.
That’s emotional intelligence.
And that’s how we change the workplace—from the inside out.
📝 [OUTRO – 29:00–30:00] Coaching Prompt + CTA
What’s one microaggression you’ve let slide… if you could go back, what would you say or do differently?
🛑 Don’t brush it off this time.
Say it out loud.
Put it in the comments.
Name the moment that stuck with you, because healing starts with honesty, and your story might help someone else speak up, too.
👇 I read every response. Let’s open this conversation together.

🧭 If this episode spoke to your spirit, don’t keep it inside.
You deserve to be heard, affirmed, and supported.
✅ I offer 1:1 coaching, executive training, and team workshops for leaders navigating high-pressure environments and identity-based stress.
📧 Email me directly: info@mrchangeyourlife.com
📱 DM or follow: @DrFredrickLeeII on Instagram & Facebook

✅ Like this episode?
💬 Drop your story in the comments.
🔁 Share it with someone cutting themselves on the glass ceiling.
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🗓️ Next up on Leadership Lessons:
🎧 Episode 6 – Healing While Leading: Navigating Pain and Power at the Same Time
Because leadership doesn’t pause just because you’re hurting, let’s discuss how to carry both.

🖤 Until next time—remember:
Change is constant, but your growth is intentional.
I’m Dr. Fredrick D. Lee II, and this has been your Leadership Lesson!