🎙️ Bonus Episode: Are EQ Skills Really “Soft Skills”?
(SEO: emotional intelligence, EQ vs IQ, workplace communication, soft skills in leadership, empathy at work, emotional intelligence training)
Are EQ skills really just “soft skills?”
Or have we completely misunderstood what real leadership strength looks like?
Welcome to this bonus episode of Leadership Lessons. I’m Dr. Fredrick Lee II—and today, I want to start by giving a special shoutout to one of my YouTube followers, @masonictraveler6558, who asked a powerful question that inspired this episode:
“Are EQ skills really soft—or are they something more?”
So today, we’re diving in.
And I want to hear from you too.
If there’s a topic you’d like me to explore in a future episode—drop it in the comments, send me a message, or tag me on social. This space is for all of us.
Now, back to the topic at hand.
The truth is—emotional intelligence is not soft. It’s strategic.
In this episode, we’re going to unpack:
• What emotional intelligence really is—and what it isn’t
• Why EQ matters more than ever in today’s fast-changing workplace
• And how emotionally intelligent leaders create stronger teams, healthier cultures, and better outcomes
If you’ve ever been told that empathy is optional…
That vulnerability is a liability…
Or that tuning into emotions makes you less professional—
This episode is for you.
Let’s talk about why EQ is one of the most powerful leadership tools you can develop—and why it’s time we stop calling it soft.
[Segment 1: The Myth of “Soft Skills” | 7–8 minutes]
Let’s begin with the language itself—“soft skills.”
What comes to mind when we hear that phrase?
Supportive.
Optional.
Nice to have… but not essential.
Not like “real” skills—like data analytics, software development, financial modeling, or strategic planning.
But here’s the issue:
That framing is more than outdated—it’s deeply misleading and structurally biased.
When we label emotional intelligence, empathy, conflict navigation, and interpersonal communication as soft, we unintentionally reinforce a cultural hierarchy—one that prioritizes technical, quantifiable expertise over relational, people-centered leadership.
And that has real consequences.
It tells us that:
• Managing tasks is more valuable than managing people.
• Metrics matter more than morale.
• You can be emotionally detached and still be called “effective.”
But here’s the truth: that narrative does not hold up under scrutiny.
📚 Let’s look at one of the most well-known corporate studies of the last decade—Project Oxygen by Google.
Originally launched to prove that the best managers were the most technically proficient, Google’s People Analytics team was shocked to find the opposite.
Their top-performing managers didn’t stand out because of their coding skills or academic credentials.
They stood out because they:
• Took time to meet one-on-one with employees
• Actively coached and supported career development
• Showed personal interest in team members’ well-being
• Communicated clearly and consistently
• Fostered psychological safety
(Source: Project Oxygen, Google re:Work, 2008–2018)
None of those qualities were technical.
None of them were “hard” skills.
They were relational.
They were emotional.
They were deeply human.
And this isn’t just a Google phenomenon.
📚 A 2020 study published in the Journal of Applied Psychology found that emotional intelligence in leaders was significantly linked to:
• Lower employee turnover
• Higher job satisfaction
• Stronger team cohesion
• Improved conflict resolution outcomes
And it doesn’t stop there.
📚 Dr. Travis Bradberry, co-author of Emotional Intelligence 2.0, analyzed data from over 1 million professionals across industries. His findings?
Emotional intelligence accounts for 58% of job performance, regardless of role.
And on average, professionals with high EQ earn $29,000 more per year than their lower-EQ counterparts—even when job type and IQ are held constant.
Let me say that again:
Emotional intelligence isn’t fluff.
It’s not decorative.
It’s not the thing you “get to” after all the “real” work is done.
It is a strategic differentiator.
Especially in a workplace environment that’s changing fast:
• AI is evolving.
• Remote work is normalizing.
• Burnout is on the rise.
• Employee expectations around belonging, inclusion, and wellness are shifting.
In that landscape, what makes a leader effective isn’t how well they know spreadsheets or code—it’s how well they know people.
Adaptability. Empathy. Presence. Clarity. Authenticity.
These are not extras. These are the edge.
Because here’s what can’t be automated:
• The ability to calm tension in a meeting
• The courage to admit when you’re wrong
• The skill to navigate a difficult conversation without creating fear
• The emotional stamina to lead through change and uncertainty
So the next time someone tries to downplay EQ as a “soft” skill, remind them of this:
🛡️ Soft is what saves teams during conflict.
🫂 Soft is what retains talent during crisis.
🏛️ Soft is what transforms culture—when strategy alone falls short.
Emotional intelligence is not the opposite of leadership effectiveness.
It’s what makes it sustainable.
[Segment 2: What Emotional Intelligence Actually Looks Like | 7–8 minutes]
Let’s talk about what Emotional Intelligence actually involves.
Because one of the biggest misunderstandings is thinking EQ is just about being “nice.” It’s not.
Emotional Intelligence is not about being agreeable. It’s about being accountable.
Accountable to your internal state. Accountable to your impact on others. Accountable to how your emotions affect decisions, communication, and culture.
Emotionally intelligent leaders don’t avoid conflict.
They don’t pretend emotions don’t exist.
They don’t wear composure as a mask.
What they do is manage emotional information with awareness, skill, and intention.
The EQ-i².0 model—one of the most widely used and scientifically validated assessments of emotional intelligence—breaks EQ down into five composite areas, each with specific subskills. Let’s walk through them with real leadership applications:
🔷 1. Self-Perception
This is your internal compass. It’s how well you know yourself—your emotions, your potential, and your worth.
It includes:
• Self-Regard: Do you fundamentally respect yourself—even when you’re not performing?
• Self-Actualization: Are you committed to personal growth, purpose, and ongoing development?
• Emotional Self-Awareness: Can you accurately identify and name your emotions?
🧠 Example:
A self-aware leader senses rising frustration in a meeting and pauses, saying, “I need a moment to collect my thoughts before responding.” That’s emotional intelligence—not emotional suppression.
📚 Frontiers in Psychology (2021) links high self-perception to improved resilience, confidence, and lower stress levels in high-pressure leadership roles.
🔷 2. Self-Expression
This is about getting what’s inside… out. It’s how you share your emotions with clarity and honesty—without letting them hijack the room.
It includes:
• Emotional Expression: Can you share how you feel without overexplaining, deflecting, or shutting down?
• Assertiveness: Can you speak up for your needs and values in a clear, respectful way?
• Independence: Can you make decisions that align with your integrity—even when others disagree?
🧠 Example:
When a major deadline is missed, you calmly state, “I’m disappointed, and I want us to align on how we avoid this moving forward.” That’s not confrontation. That’s constructive honesty.
📚 Studies in the Leadership & Organization Development Journal show that emotionally expressive leaders foster better team communication and are seen as more authentic and trustworthy.
🔷 3. Interpersonal Skills
This is the heart of leadership—your ability to connect, relate, and uplift.
It includes:
• Interpersonal Relationships: Can you build mutual trust, collaboration, and support with others?
• Empathy: Can you sense what others are feeling—and respond in ways that make them feel seen?
• Social Responsibility: Do you consider the well-being of your team and the greater good in your decisions?
🧠 Example:
You notice a team member is unusually quiet. Instead of ignoring it, you follow up privately with, “Hey, I noticed something seems off—how are you doing?”
📚 Harvard Business Review (2021) emphasizes that empathy is the single most important leadership skill in hybrid and diverse workplaces—and that interpersonal skills drive retention, loyalty, and discretionary effort.
🔷 4. Decision Making
This is how you use emotion to guide—not cloud—your decisions. Emotionally intelligent leaders don’t ignore feelings in decision-making. They integrate them wisely.
It includes:
• Problem Solving: Can you stay calm and logical under pressure, even when emotions are high?
• Reality Testing: Are you able to see situations objectively—not through guilt, bias, or assumptions?
• Impulse Control: Can you pause before reacting—and choose a thoughtful response instead?
🧠 Example:
When a team member challenges your idea in a meeting, your first instinct is to defend. But instead, you pause and say, “Tell me more about your concern.” That one second of impulse control shifts the entire tone.
📚 The Stanford Graduate School of Business reports that leaders with strong reality testing and impulse control are more trusted and make better long-term strategic decisions.
🔷 5. Stress Management
Stress is inevitable—but emotional intelligence gives you the tools to manage it without internalizing it.
It includes:
• Flexibility: Can you adapt to change without becoming rigid or reactive?
• Stress Tolerance: Can you function effectively when the pressure is on?
• Optimism: Can you maintain a hopeful outlook, even in setbacks?
🧠 Example:
The budget gets cut. Instead of panicking or blaming others, you acknowledge the challenge and say, “Let’s regroup. We’ve adjusted before—and we can do it again.”
📚 A 2022 Harvard Business Review study found that leaders with high stress tolerance are more likely to retain top performers and sustain momentum during uncertainty.
💡 Bonus Indicator: Happiness
While not a composite area, happiness is closely tied to all EQ domains. It reflects your overall satisfaction with life and ability to feel joy, purpose, and connection.
And here’s the truth:
Leaders who are emotionally exhausted, disconnected, or constantly on edge rarely feel fulfilled—no matter how much they achieve.
📚 Research from the Journal of Positive Psychology shows that happiness in leadership correlates with higher innovation, better morale, and fewer sick days among staff.
🎯 So Let’s Recap:
Emotional Intelligence is not one thing—it’s a system of internal awareness, interpersonal connection, and adaptive decision-making.
It’s self-leadership.
It’s relational mastery.
It’s strategic resilience.
And none of that is soft.
In today’s world of workplace stress, change, and cultural complexity—emotional intelligence is one of the most measurable, trainable, and impactful leadership skill sets you can develop.
It’s not a luxury.
It’s a leadership imperative.
[Segment 3: Change Moves – Reframing EQ in Leadership Practice | 6–7 minutes]
Let’s get practical.
Here are 5 Change Moves that help reframe Emotional Intelligence as a core leadership skill, not an optional add-on:
🔄 Change Move 1: Make Emotional Check-Ins Normal
🧠 EI Element: Self-Awareness + Empathy
Start team meetings with questions like:
• “What’s one word for how you’re feeling today?”
• “What’s one thing you need to feel supported this week?”
It builds culture. It builds trust.
📚 A 2023 report from Deloitte showed that teams with emotionally attuned leaders report 24% higher engagement and 40% higher psychological safety.
📏 Change Move 2: Measure EQ Like Performance
🧠 EI Element: Self-Regulation + Social Skills
Incorporate EI into performance reviews—not just outcomes, but how people lead.
Metrics can include:
• Peer feedback on communication
• Conflict resolution effectiveness
• Emotional composure under stress
📚 Korn Ferry research found that 90% of top performers have high emotional intelligence—and that EQ is more predictive of leadership success than IQ or technical skills.
🎯 Change Move 3: Reframe Feedback as Emotional Data
🧠 EI Element: Self-Awareness + Social Skills
Stop treating feedback as a personal attack or something to avoid.
Treat it as data about impact—not identity.
Practice saying:
• “Thank you for sharing that—I didn’t realize how that landed.”
• “That’s helpful context. Let me sit with it and get back to you.”
🧠 Change Move 4: Practice Response Pauses
Before reacting emotionally, practice this 3-step pause:
1. Name the feeling (anger, disappointment, fear)
2. Ask: “Is this about them—or about something I’m carrying?”
3. Respond with choice, not reflex
It takes 6 seconds to interrupt an emotional hijack—and that’s often all it takes to avoid unnecessary damage.
🌱 Change Move 5: Lead with Transparency
🧠 EI Element: Empathy + Motivation
Emotionally intelligent leaders don’t hide behind vague corporate language.
They lead with truth and compassion.
Try saying:
• “I’m navigating some challenges right now, and I’m doing my best to stay centered.”
• “This is new for all of us. I don’t have all the answers, but I’ll stay present with the process.”
Transparency builds connection. And connection drives performance.
[Wrap-Up + Closing – 1:30 min minimum]
So… are EQ skills “soft”?
Or are they the strongest skills you can build as a leader?
Let me leave you with this:
• When the pressure hits—EQ is what keeps your team grounded, not scattered.
• When conflict arises—EQ is what helps you navigate, not escalate.
• When people feel unseen—EQ is what makes you the kind of leader they want to follow, not flee from.
🧠 Emotional intelligence is not the opposite of effectiveness—it’s what sustains it.
And here’s something else most leaders don’t know:
EQ is measurable.
That’s right—your emotional intelligence can be assessed, understood, and strategically developed. This isn’t just feel-good language. It’s a data-informed leadership tool.
Through the EQ-i².0 Assessment, we can identify:
• Your emotional strengths
• Your growth areas
• And your current capacity across core EQ domains like stress tolerance, impulse control, self-regard, and interpersonal relationships
From there, I build a personalized coaching plan designed specifically for your leadership context—whether you’re navigating burnout, managing teams, or preparing for your next level of influence.
✅ This is my signature service—and it’s how I help leaders just like you lead with clarity, confidence, and emotional depth.
So if you’ve been conditioned to:
• Suppress your emotions
• Power through your stress
• Or ignore your intuition just to survive in the workplace…
This is your invitation to unlearn all of that.
Because your ability to feel…
To connect…
To lead with presence and purpose…
That’s not a liability.
That’s real leadership.
🎧 If this episode challenged your thinking, share it with someone who’s still trying to lead on autopilot—or who’s ready to lead with emotional intelligence.
📍 Don’t forget to subscribe on Apple, Spotify, Amazon, or wherever you get your podcasts.

👉 https://leadershiplessons.transistor.fm
And to explore EQ assessments and personalized coaching, visit: www.mrchangeyourlife.com
Lead like your EQ matters.
Because it always has.
And now… you don’t have to lead alone.
I’m Dr. Fredrick Lee II—and this has been your Leadership Lesson.