Dr. Lee (steady, intentional tone):
Welcome back to Leadership Lessons with Dr. Fredrick Lee II — the podcast where we explore the human side of leadership through emotional intelligence, lived experience, and the courage to change.
In Bonus Episode 6 – Men Are Not OK, we began a conversation that resonated deeply across gender lines. We peeled back the layers of a quiet crisis — the emotional health struggles men face when they are taught from childhood that to feel is to fail.
We talked about what happens when generations of boys are told “big boys don’t cry” and how that simple phrase becomes a lifelong prison sentence.
We explored the neuroscience and psychology behind it — through Social Cognitive Theory (SCT) — which tells us that learning happens through observation, imitation, and reinforcement.
And that’s where this story really begins.
From an early age, boys don’t just hear what’s said to them — they watch what’s modeled. They observe which emotions are rewarded, which are mocked, and which are punished.
They notice that girls are allowed to cry, to be comforted, to express fear — while boys are told to “toughen up.”
They see fathers, coaches, and cultural icons modeling stoicism, aggression, or control as the currency of manhood.
Through observational learning, they internalize a powerful but damaging script:
“If I show emotion, I lose respect.”
“If I cry, I’m weak.”
“If I’m vulnerable, I’m less of a man.”
But emotions are not weakness. They are data. They are the body’s way of speaking truth before the mind can translate it.
The problem is — men have been taught to silence that truth. And that silence doesn’t just shape individuals — it shapes families, relationships, and even how men lead.
That’s what today’s conversation is about.
We’re asking the deeper question:
Why do men think natural human emotions are a sign of weakness — and what happens to the people who love them because of it?
🎶 [Music softens under]

👋 Guest Introduction (2 minutes)
Dr. Lee (warmly, with reflective tone):
I am honored to welcome today’s guest — Te’Ana (she/her) — joining us from McKinney, Texas.
Te’Ana is a licensed esthetician, a professional whose work centers on helping people feel confident and whole in their own skin. But what makes her voice so powerful in this conversation isn’t just her profession — it’s her perspective.
When I asked Te’Ana what qualifies her to talk about emotional health and masculinity, she said, “Degrees in failed relationships. Does that count?”
And that honesty is precisely why she’s here.
Because Te’Ana has witnessed, firsthand, how men in her family and community were taught that being emotionally vulnerable was somehow feminine or even “gay.”
She’s seen the weight that message carries — the way it silences men, hardens relationships, and creates emotional distance in places where connection should live.
Today, she joins us not as a clinician, but as a woman with lived experience — someone who’s watched the men around her navigate a culture that equates feelings with weakness and silence with strength.
🎶 [Soft piano chord transition]
Dr. Lee:
Te’Ana, thank you for being here. Your perspective is real, relatable, and necessary.
You’re bringing the voice of so many women who’ve loved men taught to suppress — and who are ready to rewrite that story.
Welcome to Leadership Lessons.

💬 Interview Segment – The Conversation (Expanded 25–30 minutes)

Part 1: The Cultural Script of Masculinity
Dr. Lee:
Let’s begin with your perspective — as a woman observing and engaging with men — when do you think this idea first takes root? When do boys start to believe that emotion equals weakness?
Follow-up:
How do you think gender norms — what society teaches boys and girls — reinforce that divide?
Follow-up:
Women are often encouraged to express emotions — to talk, to connect, to nurture. Do you think that contrast deepens the emotional gap between men and women later in relationships?
🎶 [Soft underscore]
Dr. Lee:
I’ve often said: “We don’t raise boys to be strong — we raise them to be numb.” What have you observed about how that numbness plays out in adulthood — especially in communication and intimacy?

Part 2: Emotional Suppression and Its Impact on Relationships
Dr. Lee:
In Men Are Not OK, we explored how suppression doesn’t erase emotion — it just buries it alive. And when it resurfaces, it often shows up as anger, distance, or control.
From a woman’s perspective, what does that look and feel like in relationships?
Follow-up:
How does that emotional silence affect trust, safety, and connection?
Follow-up:
Do you think women often feel pressured to “translate” or absorb men’s unspoken emotions — and what toll does that take on them emotionally or mentally?
Dr. Lee:
That’s so powerful. It’s like the emotional labor of love has been unevenly distributed. Women become the interpreters of suppressed pain.
🎶 [Reflective pause beat]
Follow-up:
In your experience, how can women support men in unlearning that silence — without feeling like they’re carrying the full weight of his healing?

Part 3: The Courage to Feel — Rewriting the Script
Dr. Lee:
Let’s talk about transformation — about rewriting this script.
When men begin to heal — when they give themselves permission to feel — what changes? What shifts in how they show up as partners, fathers, or leaders?
Follow-up:
How do women play a role in modeling or inviting that kind of emotional honesty without it becoming another task or burden?
Follow-up:
From your vantage point, what does healthy masculinity look like? One that embraces emotion without losing strength?
Dr. Lee:
That’s such an important reframe — that emotion doesn’t subtract from masculinity, it refines it.
🎶 [Music transition beat]

Part 4: Healing Together — Building Emotional Equity
Dr. Lee:
I want to shift toward hope. When couples and families begin to break this generational cycle — when both men and women begin to practice emotional equity — what happens?
Follow-up:
What are the first steps you recommend for couples who are ready to build that bridge — to make emotional honesty safe again?
Follow-up:
And for the men listening — what’s one small, practical way to start reclaiming emotional expression as strength, not weakness?
Dr. Lee:
That’s beautiful. Because this isn’t just a men’s issue — it’s a human issue. When men heal, relationships heal.
🎶 [Soft piano transition]

🙏 Gratitude & Transition (1 minute)
Dr. Lee:
[Guest Name], thank you for this conversation. You’ve given language to what so many people feel but can’t articulate — that emotional suppression isn’t just silence, it’s disconnection.
You’ve reminded us that emotional intelligence isn’t gendered — it’s human. And when men and women both engage it, we move from surviving relationships to transforming them.
🎶 [Soft reflective music transition]

⚙️ Change Moves (Practical Takeaways – 5 minutes)
Dr. Lee:
Every episode of Leadership Lessons ends with Change Moves — practical ways to turn awareness into action.
Here are today’s Change Moves inspired by our conversation:

1️⃣ Normalize Emotion as Human, Not Gendered
Challenge the narrative that some feelings are “feminine.”
Sadness, fear, and tenderness are human experiences — not gender-coded behaviors.
💡 EI Lens: Self-awareness helps men recognize that emotion is not a flaw in strength; it’s a function of humanity.

2️⃣ Create Emotional Safety in Relationships
Instead of asking, “What’s wrong?” try, “What are you feeling right now?”
Replace interrogation with invitation.
💡 EI Lens: Empathy builds psychological safety, turning vulnerability into connection.

3️⃣ Model the Behavior You Wish to See
Women, show that emotional expression doesn’t weaken — it deepens relationships.
Men, model emotional regulation openly — your sons and colleagues are watching.
💡 EI Lens: Observational learning creates new cultural norms through consistent modeling.

4️⃣ Redefine Masculine Strength
Courage isn’t the absence of emotion — it’s the willingness to face it.
Encourage men to redefine power as presence, not suppression.
💡 EI Lens: Self-regard and resilience grow when men integrate vulnerability into leadership.

5️⃣ Heal in Community, Not Isolation
Healing requires connection. Encourage circles, therapy, brotherhood, or couples dialogue.
When men heal together, they rewrite the emotional DNA for the next generation.
💡 EI Lens: Social skill and empathy drive emotional re-education and collective resilience.
🎯 Digital short: “Emotions aren’t weakness. They’re wisdom trying to be heard.”
🎶 [Music builds and fades softly]

🕊️ Expanded Closing (3–4 minutes)
Dr. Lee:
If Men Are Not OK was about awareness — this conversation is about awakening.
We’ve seen that emotional suppression isn’t strength — it’s survival. But men were never meant to live in survival mode. They were meant to live in connection.
Through the lens of Social Cognitive Theory, we now understand this clearly: the same way boys learned to suppress emotions by watching others, they can unlearn it through new modeling — through seeing healthy men feel, cry, and connect without shame.
And as we’ve heard today, that unlearning doesn’t happen in isolation. It happens in relationships — with women, with family, with community.
Because when men begin to feel, families begin to heal. When men learn to listen to their emotions, they learn to lead differently — with empathy instead of ego, with presence instead of pretense.
So, to the men listening:
Your emotions don’t make you weak — they make you whole.
And to the women listening:
You are not responsible for fixing the men you love, but you are powerful in modeling what emotional safety looks like.
Let’s rewrite this script — together.
🎧 Subscribe to Leadership Lessons with Dr. Fredrick Lee II on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music — and visit leadershiplessons.transistor.fm for more conversations that connect emotional intelligence to leadership and life.
Until next time —
Be aware.
Be courageous.
And lead with emotional intelligence.
I’m Dr. Fredrick Lee II, and this has been your Leadership Lesson.